Empathy is Essential

Why don't kids think about anyone but themselves? 

It is no wonder when the primary message sent is if you work hard enough, you will succeed. Everyone wants their kids to be successful. We value perseverance, goal-setting, and self-sufficiency. These are all positive character traits that we go out of our way to fit into conversations both in the classroom and at home. However, all of these traits are all about them. We are guiding them to become self-centered by pushing these characteristics and not balancing them with empathetic characteristics. 

The Mirriam Webster dictionary defines empathy as "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another." As we develop self-reliance in our kids, we need to balance it with the ability to be aware of and care about other humans that cross their paths. Dr. Michell Borba posits that empathy "is an effective antidote to bullying, aggression, prejudice, and racism" (2017). With bullying and racism prevalent topics in society, empathy seems like a necessity.  Rockman and Collins point out that empathy and sympathy are different because empathy does more than just feel sad or disappointed for someone (2019). Empathetic people understand the perspective of the other person and work to make the situation better for that person. 

The ability to see other's perspectives has been shown to diminish stereotyping, reduce aggressive behaviors, and help build relationships with people who have views different than one's own (Gehlbach, 2017). Recently schools have been pushing the idea of developing social-emotional learning (SEL) systematically in schools. It seems that empathy is an ideal place to begin teaching our students emotional literacy. Empathy is the foundation of other emotional literacy skills. 

How can we build empathy in our students? 

We can start by helping students identify emotions. Identifying emotions can be easily taught explicitly to students of all ages. It can easily be part of book and video discussions already happening in schools across the nation. What is the character feeling? How do you know? Simple questions like these set the stage for emotional literacy when asked with purpose. 

Once students have developed this emotional literacy the next step is to get students to practice understanding the perspective of others. Activities like placing yourself in the situation of another, and imagining a time when you felt the same way help develop perspective. A way to extend identifying emotions into perspective-taking is to ask the student what the person needs. Exploring feelings and needs helps students connect problem-solving with empathy. It encourages taking action when others feel 'down.'

If schools implement systems with empathy at the core of SEL as opposed to only looking into one's own feelings, many of the issues present like bullying and stereotyping will decrease. Students will be able to better identify their emotions as well as they explore the emotional world around them. Kids (and teachers) will be happier and more successful if we work with purpose to build empathy in our students.

References:

Borba, M. (2017). UnSelfie: Why empathetic kids succeed in our all-about-me world. New York, New York: Touchstone.

Gehlbach, H. (2017, March). The social-emotional skill of perspective taking. Education California. Retrieved from https://content.acsa.org

Rockman, P., & Collins, E. (2019, September 17). Three ways to raise empathic kids so they become compassionate adults. Mindful. Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org